EV0 2026

27 Jun, 2026

SHE'S REALLY BACK!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD WE'RE SO FUCKING BACK WELCOME BACK TO MY GOAT RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE

I'm sorry this is like barely even an entry. Like, when we had the EVO presence announcement I was like holy shit we're back but seeing it actually announced WE'RE SO FUCKING BACK!!!!!!!!!

I love Blazblue so so so so so so so so so so so much you don't understand. I poured hours into being bad at this fighting game and I've played it since the CT era. I don't have all my old games but I sure in hell have all my old OSTs for it and I love it so much. Oh my god. I don't even care that I'm just whatever on the fact that Trinity Glassfille was the character announcement like I never particularly ever wanted her separated out of Platinum but I'll take it welcome back Blazblue my beloved oh my fucking god AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AND THEY ALSO ANNOUNCED ROBOKY FOR GGS HOLY SHIT WE'RE GAMING

Before someone shows up and says "oh BB never went anywhere there's the tag battle game" I'm so sorry... I hate BBCTB. I just don't like how it plays. Years of BB commands memorized only for the characters to be missing like half their movesets and the commands to feel wonky. Like, I'm happy for those who like that game but I just dont. Besides, we should have had the crossover everyone wanted: BB X GG. It's been like begged of ASW for years, and we KNOW that BB characters have models associated with them because thats how they drew the sprites. Like, no shade to the people who like BBCTB it's just like... not what a lot of the community wanted. And then the Mobage incident with like... DARK WAR or whatever it was called happened and then BB just disappeared n it just sucked. Basically, it's awesome to see Blazblue back as it's proper self.

The Itch

25 Jun, 2026

You know how they say that you shouldn't trust your feelings past like, 9 pm? Yeah well its 5 am. And you know what? I WANT TO RAID. I REALLY REALLY WANT TO RAID AGAIN. I HAVE THE BURNING DESIRE TO GO IN AND JUST BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF SOME BOSSES, GET SOME FUNNY CLOTHES AND THEN FLING MYSELF AT THE CLOWN AAAAAAAAAAA. Like I've really only attempted one Ultimate on content, that being DSR. And I didn't clear because the group I was with got hardwalled really early on for whatever reason. That + burnout prevented me from going into TOP on content, and the friend I would have pugged with kept saying she wanted to play AST, so it's not like I could really even go in with her...

Well, whatever. That doesn't matter. All you gotta know right now is that I desire to go to clown town. Like, so so so so so so bad. Oh my god. Like I have friends in Phase 3, in Phase 5, in Phase 4. Everyone clowning but me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO CLOWN!!!!!!!!!! I didn't even do this tier. I barely did last tier we got a single clear and I was like yeah whatever that's fine, and then my ass limped through UCoB on Samurai. But GOD. I WANT IT SO BAD.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

If you see me resub, and mysteriously looking for a reason to be on aether, and just so happening to be in The Ring, uhhhhh no you didn't. Just don't worry about that. It's definitely not going to take a toll on my mental or anything like that.

Also I updated my statuscafe layout. I just copied this one. But go look anyways. It's cute. Might change the header later but I'll look for images later but also I don't really care too much about changing the header right now. Haha. It's whatever.

I was going to make an entry about last week and cleaning so I could post some drawings I made but like, I just haven't yet. I guess I'll get on that tomorrow or something. I was going to do it yesterday but my brain just kind of melted. I also got a big blister on my foot. And uh yesterday I got another shelf. Waiting for my family to come tell me my shrine is getting out of hand but like IDK I am having fun.

I may be making a mistake soon though. For uh. Reasons.

Anyways uh I will go to bed and hopefully remember to wake up and order a pedometer soon. I regret selling my Pokewalker.

I swear I'm not just padding length n telling myself to stop thinking about Kefka.

The Daunting Task of Webmastery.

18 Jun, 2026

So, in my efforts to keep things up to date here, I've been really plodding at getting everything done. Like, it's slowly going up. I had gotten the Yume 2kki page up, even if I didn't really add that much to it and kinda dislike the current layout (but hey, it works for mobile without looking like an absolute mess I suppose. Maybe at a later point I'll swap it over to something else.) The Pokemon TCG stuff should be up again soon enough. And I'm generally trying to get updates on most of the random pages I've been working done. But I won't lie, it does get overwhelming at times.

Like, I finally got some of my reviews for CDs that I had been meaning to get to out. And that's good. I have 6 more to listen to before I can really give opinions again, and I'll probably have that done by the end of the weekend. But then I realized that I have 51 CDs in my collection that aren't added, because those are all the stuff that isn't imports. And I had recently trimmed and purged a good 30+ CDs from my collection as well. Gave them to friends & family who wanted them, and the rest went to my local thrift store. I also got rid of some of the ones that are kind of beat up, but I'd like to replace a few at some point. If I ever bother with it. Who knows.

Another thing is just thinking on my Minecraft stuff and how I keep meaning to get stuff done related to that, and then I just... don't. Because I really haven't been in a minecraft mood. I dunno how, but I got bored of my main world again. And I'm just like "Okay I made a giant train track tunnel for no reason connecting 2 barely distant points. What the hell do I do now?" And then I just... gave up. I dunno, maybe I'll get to it again at some point.

I was working through my FF14 NG+ playthrough though and uh... So, I forgot to turn off the part that auto skips the cutscenes. And then I went into Stone Vigil. And then, I finished it despite realizing that I should just y'know, have quit mid dungeon and turned it on rather than killing the boss. No, I had to set off that blood lily for whatever reason. And then while I was deliberating over what to do over those cutscenes? Well...

lol. lmao.

It's really on me for waiting until the last minute to get to things as always. But when I subbed, I had the urge to do things just kinda stripped from me. I'd elaborate on it here, but like I said, made a dreamwidth. I'll talk about things there, I suppose.

Moving on from that, I feel like I should maybe fill out my favorites section in a more meaningful way. I have a bad habit of putting a handful of things that come to mind and just completely excluding other characters. So maybe I'll sit down and do that.

But then theres 500 other things I want to do. A page about all the concerts I've gone to. Adding in a Recently Listened section--Which reminds me, I haven't even logged into Last.FM in so long, that I don't know if my old email addresses would have my account info still. So I suppose that means making a new one. And then there's the making of an OC page & profiles for all of them. Notably all my MMO characters. Maybe a few shrines that I'll finally get to. I dunno. Was really considering making one for Yamato recently, because I've been feeling kinda nostalgic. And I feel like I have a lot I could put there. Also kind of wanted to compile a gallery of just FF14 screencaps from over the years and just dump them somewhere on the site too.

Oh yeah and then there's the daunting task of organizing my figure collection page with the little mini review thought things I suppose. I uh... I was looking at my current list of figures and I just...

It's probably a good thing I'm running out of space. It's time to purge a few things, rearrange a few others, and just generally pray for the damn best. And that's not even having to do with the fact that organizing all the information on my site is kinda highkey annoying at times. I'm glad I just do not bother keeping track of certain kinds of stuff in my collection. Hell, I won't lie, I kinda gave up when I finally cleaned out the rest of my i7 merch that had been sitting in my collection. Like I wanted to remove it from my MFC, and quite a bit I actually did, but I still just have so much of it, that it's hard to tell what I actually own at times. Because it's piled up on that wire grid. And a lot of it is not in the database. Maybe at some point, I'll see about maintaining i7 merch on MFC, but that also requires sitting down, finding the info, and adding it all. And I just... feel exhausted about that. I don't even buy i7 merch anymore. I have too many plush, too many keychains, and too many unused items. IDK, I think buying with a friend has really done a lot of damage to the sense of how many objects I need in my room, and I knew that between the passing of one dog and then the other, it was probably going to get worse, and it was allowed to kind of get out of control. So it's probably best to have to go through my things and deliberate on whether or not I still need or even want it. I feel like I've been doing that with everything but my hobby items and it's really just at a point that I gotta tell myself no or I have to deliberately sacrifice things to make room for others.

Oh and I keep saying it, but I really do need to get better at updating the updates log. Because it exists on my site, and I just still haven't touched it, because I keep telling myself things aren't done. And then I add more things to the list that needs to be done. Like the idea of finally going through and verifying my entire site with the W3C validator. Which I need to do again! And then update like the manga log. And the food pictures. And probably a lot of other things! Like updating that anime log list. And finally making sure everything I said I'd get to adding reviews on gets done! Oh and don't forget me wanting to do more longplay stuff. Hell, I should just take my FF14 page and make it a longplay page. Maybe do some Umineko on there (because you all gotta hear about my legitimate 20th reading of Umineko. Yes. Yes I have actually replayed this game that many times over the years.) Or maybe I should make a teams page for all the Pokemon Teams I remember from god knows what playthroughs I've done. I have so many neat ideas and I keep... IDK, not finishing what's on my plate first! aaaaaaaaaa

Feels weird to want to get to the state of being "done" with your site, but I guess in a way, that's where I am in a sense. Well, maybe more on being done with the "catch up."

Also I feel like at some point I was going to need a yume page, so I might sit down and seriously make that. And kind of decide how I feel on the idea of "sharing." Because I'm still very on the fence. The mentally unwell part of me says I don't want to deal with it That I just cannot emotionally deal with it, especially right now where I'm just kinda skirting a line of sorts. But the adult part of me says "You do not own fictional characters liked by millions of fans and you never will. You have to deal with that fact. Someone having the same feelings as you does not warrant being unkind and horrible to them." Not that I'm going to treat someone poorly over fiction or anything. But I just see yume drama and it scares me.

I dunno it's 5:30 AM. I shouldn't be up this late. When I am up this late, I'm usually writing smut, but I'm recovering from some kinda... stuff. I dunno how to word it.

Maybe I should do what I always do, and think of Perfect Alexander when I'm at my lowest.

Birthday

17 Jun, 2026

It's my birthday. IDK. I felt like announcing it. Maybe I'll be in a better mood later today, but for right now it's midnight. Chillin on mic with my bestie listening to the playstation 2 ambient jungle while I force down a crash out. Yesterday was awful. Kinda debating on making a blog post about it and just locking it and like only giving it out to anyone who wants to like read it and maybe talk about it, IDK. I'm just so tired. Exhausted. Flabbergasted. I don't fucking know. I'm really just still at a fucking loss for words. But I suppose it's whatever. I guess for now I'll attempt to celebrate.

IDK look at the awesome plastic I got for my birthday

I'll probably edit this later. I'm going to bed.

Update from later in the day:

I feel like the magic of birthdays is kind of gone as an adult. I can't say that I'm pleased with my birthday, but I can't say I'm necessarily super disappointed either. I got to go out to lunch one day, then grabbed a boba today and also some In-N-Out. Like, the SoCal special I suppose. IDK, I could have had Costco Pizza but it's really whatever. No cake, no formal desserts (at least not today), but they said I can have a personal piece of tres leches or something when we go to the supermarket. I got a few things I needed at our local Daiso--Mostly book ends, a singular easel to display a can badge (I was trying to get two) and a can of Ocean Bomb because uhhhhhh I sure do buy a lot of these now. It's like the other thing I drink other than boba. But I suppose it doesn't matter because I don't drink it too often, and it's not like I tend to drink more than the occasional soda or lemonade. I'd say I have sugary drinks like, IDK, 5 times a month at best.

At one of our local shops, I saw those like fruit shaped ice creams from Japan that went super viral or something. Me & s0ul were laughing about how I brought it up. It really sounded like a fucking tik-toker. Oh god, I'm being influenced... Well it's not like I bought it. I went to the Miniso as well and they also had nothing I wanted. It's really a struggle to like a character from a popular IP and then every time you go out shopping they have nothing of him. The greatest luck I had in person buying was the Yugi Nanoblocks I got last year for my birthday, and then the 1/7 Amakuni Yusei that I hesitated on buying. I'll never see him for 128 USD ever again. And he re-released and I couldn't afford to preorder him. I had to give up on Jack and pass on Aki as well. The pain... The pain and anguish of being a YGO collector. Oh well, I don't think I have any room for Jack Atlas anyways!!!!!!!!!!!! I totally am not upset over that!!!!!!

Truth be told, with the Kaibas I have coming in as well as a few other things, I really am out of space. I think if I can't arrange stuff to get the most out of said space, my recent orders will have to be my last. How scary. Maybe it's time to sell a few I'm not really feeling? Or see if I can get a spare shelf for this Target shelf. Assuming I don't have to wall mount it. Oh well, it's probably time to exit this hobby. I think the spiral of losing both of the dogs kinda tipped me way in the favor of buying too much. There's a few more things I'd like but if I don't have space, then what's the point? I don't wanna stoop to putting figures in my PC case or all over my desk. Terrifying.

I did get a TCG box though for my birthday as a gift and the guy at the gamestop asked me who I wanted then cut me off and said "Oh wait you are a Sanji girlie" and I was like sweating profusely but I respect the fact that this man recognized that I really do not want merch of Zoro (SORRY... THERES LIKE 1 FIGURE OF HIS I LIKE...) LMAO. But it was right in front of my grandma and she's just like "what does all this mean???" LMAO

Anyways I'm so thrilled to clean tomorrow in like 90°F weather... It was 95°F today and I walked all over the place in the heat. I wore a dress (wow rare occasion I suppose) and like it was still hot as hell. I know its hotter in other states like yes I get it Arizona is the literal Hell On Earth state for more than just the heat but god it was still so hot today. I think I got blisters.

Also, for the uh thing I spoke briefly on, I made a Dreamwidth. Mostly so I don't have to make private posts here. I will probably delete the one private post I have here and mirror it there. Mostly for safety reasons. If you want my dreamwidth and you have one and we've talked to a degree, I suppose shoot me an email. I should make a protonmail finally though... Assuming I remember to do so lol.

If you all need me I'll be listening to MAYHEM and disassociating or something like that.

It All Catches Up to You at the Worst Times

15 Jun, 2026

I'm sure I'm not the first person out there to say that they've struggled to come to terms with certain parts of their personality, their gender, their place in life, and how it slots into society. I mean, I feel like that's the thing that most of us struggle with. If you're not born under the lucky stars of being cishet and perfectly content and happy with that, then you know this feeling. I've... dealt with this feeling for a long time. Like, yeah I don't really identify with being a woman most times, and I sure in hell don't like men.

But it's been a while since I've been thrown for a true loop over my own issues regarding things.

I found myself dwelling on my old relationships a lot recently. Probably due to all the maladaptive daydreaming due to yume shipping. I won't lie and say that I don't use my own OCs as a way to address personal traumas dealt to me (because I definitely am guilty), but like... I dunno I guess there's just things you're never really able to truly unpack.

Sometimes I find myself remembering specific phonecalls and specific lies I was told by people which I knew were malicious in nature and I know to disregard all this. It's not like it matters 7 years later. But then there's a stray comment made by that man, that you think on, commenting about a previous relationship and it just brings it all back.

I can't help but wonder what kind of person I would have been if those things came to fruition.

A woman of 36 years soon enough, celebrating her birthday. Maybe with a daughter, who'd probably be around 10 years by now. What kind of things would my husband get me for my birthday? What kind of things would he tell me? The hugs I'd recieve. The reassurance I'd get. The meals I'd cook. The homework I'd help with.

Would my parents be proud of me for a life like that? Would they care? How would I be? Suppressing my love for other women and the general frustration and ambiguity I feel towards my own gender. Would I have just written it off as "just a phase" or something and taken up the mantlehood of a mother, content with her husband?

It's weird. It's weird to sit there and think on heteronormative bullshit that you swore off, that you swore for ages bothered you, and realize how much you decried it was because some deep down part of you just longed for it. After all, as women, this is what we're told from the moment we're born that we should want, that we should strive for. It's supposed to be our sacred duty to society or some shit, after all.

Oh my god I just HATE it.

It's insane what unpacking trauma will bring up I guess. It was like a musty old box I shoved in the back of the closet. It's covered in cobwebs and it's water damaged. There's probably mold. But I opened it and I found heteronormative feelings in there and I hate it because I don't know what to do with them now other than shove them onto an OC so I don't have to deal with them.

It just sucks because I'm here thinking about 5 years of my life I gave to one man, that went nowhere, and remembering the torment I went through after it all came crashing down. I was way too young for a relationship, probably. I was like 22 years old. And I wasn't mentally well, nor did I realize that I was probably years behind my actual age mentally due to the amount of abuse I suffered and just having no real social skills, no real awareness of social situations and how to act. So it probably did way more to my mental health than I ever realized.

IDK I'm just sitting here right before my birthday kinda dealing with how to handle all these things.

Truth be told, I'm not sure why I'm even writing this, outside of getting it off my chest. It hurts a lot and maybe cramming it down hasn't helped me much, but I don't know where to place these feelings. They belong to a me that doesn't really exist anymore. There's no point in mourning the marriage that didn't happen. That man has moved on. And I did my best to do the same.

I dunno maybe I'll go take some pictures of my figures to put on the site that I haven't really taken in a while.

Kefka Phase 3

03 Jun, 2026

HOLY SHIT THIS FIGHT IS AWESOME

Edit: Its not working because twitch is stupid. Have the clip link.

Here you can have some plushies shenanigans because things didn't work.